Hold This For a Second

You can’t carry it all. 

In the last couple of weeks, Averlee has discovered her love for all things baby doll related. She is such a little Mommy! It is so precious. She will line her babies up beside her and cover them with blankets. She will stick things in her “purse”, grab a baby, and head for the door – Just like I do when we are going somewhere. Just the other day, she was grabbing her baby of choice for the day and her purse. I watched her as she tried to hold her baby, keep her purse on her arm, and pick up her sippy cup – all at the same time! After a few moments of struggling, she looked at me and handed me her baby so she could pick up her sippy cup. I offered to carry her sippy so she could hold her baby, but she was content with the arrangement she had made. Out the door we went. I was carrying my bag, Ryker, and baby. Averlee had her purse and sippy.


I did not think much about all of this until yesterday when I was making out my prayer request list for the week. It seems my prayers are shifting more and more towards, “God I need you to [insert miracle]” or “God, please take [insert burden] from me.” I’m asking Him to take things and handle them for me, but I’m not fully releasing my grip. Yesterday afternoon I came across a quote though. *I see you, God. I know that was all You.*

It is okay to not be okay. If you are not okay, you don’t have to pretend that you are okay. You can say, ‘I need help. I need help from God.”‘ 

The truth is, in my mind I know I need to let go of these worries that are weighing heavy on my heart. I know this. Believe me when I say that. I. KNOW. In my heart I can’t help but to hold on to tiny pieces. Do any of you do that?

It is up to me to decide: Do I want to continue juggling these problems all by myself, or am I ready to hand them over for someone stronger to carry? 

I’m typing this through tear-filled eyes. Friends, I ask that each of you say this prayer with me today…

Father, I’m carrying this load. I’ve pretended to let it go many times and just hand it to you, but we both know- I’m still holding on. I haven’t released my grip- my super tight grip. I know You want to take this from me. I know You can heal my heart and my body. I know you can do things unimaginable. I’m standing in faith that You will carry me through this storm. I’m confident You have a greater plan than I can imagine. Father, I know I am not alone. My friends here are carrying burdens also. We come to You now to lay these at your feet. We can’t do this without You, Lord. We are submitting our agenda to Your perfect plans today. Walking with You, letting You carry us is far greater than trying to run ahead on our own. In Your Holy Name. Amen. 

Impossible? No.

Matthew 19:26 tells us: “Jesus looked at them intently and said, ‘Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.”‘ NIV af76fa1e038817477675f2dadc1f421c


Believe in the impossible. 

Ya’ll. Do you ever feel like you are consumed with a million reasons why something will not work? Are you like me and you constantly think of the worst case scenario before you even consider the best possible outcome? Just this past week, satan has been after my heart. That’s so hard for me to admit, but it is true. He’s been filling my head with doubt. I’ve been discouraged. I’ve been overwhelmed.  Those are not feelings from God. With God, nothing is impossible. If I allow satan to control my thoughts though, I may begin to believe God can’t handle whatever is thrown at me.

As a thirty-one year-old woman who has not exactly had a spotless medical history, it is very important for me to keep an eye on my health. I’ve worked super hard to make sure I take better care of myself than I did in my late teens and early twenties. Just last week, as I was doing my monthly breast exam, I noticed a knot that had not been there before. I immediately panicked and convinced myself this was something I should be concerned with. I prayed about it that night and trusted I would wake up the next morning and the knot wouldn’t be there. It was though. So I brushed it off and tried to stay calm. I told myself I would check it again the next day (Friday) and call my doctor if it was still there. On Friday morning at 11:15, I found myself in the waiting room of my trusted OB/GYN waiting for my name to be called… yet again. This was familiar territory for me; however, this time I was more anxious than normal. As I looked at my twins in their stroller, I couldn’t help but wonder what would be ahead of us. What would I find out in the next thirty minutes? Will this visit change our lives?

After an exam by one of the nurse practitioners, I was able to brush my worries aside. In that moment, God answered my prayer. The knot is not something I should be too alarmed about. Just to ease our minds, I will have an ultrasound today.

I need to be around to see my kids get married. I need to help Averlee pick out her wedding dress. I need to see the look on Ryker and Gavin’s faces when each of them see their wives walk down the aisle on their wedding days. Of course tomorrow is never promised, but I am standing in faith that God has this under control.


In order to take God’s words deep into your heart, in order to allow them to alter your thoughts and ease your mind, you will need to calm yourself.”  – Pregnant With Hope : Good News For Infertile Couples

Last night I shared this quote with the ladies in Seeds of Hope. A couple of the ladies have reached out to us and shared their fears, worries, and doubts about their upcoming cycles. I get it. I remember being in that deep, dark place of doubt. I remember wanting to give up because I just didn’t feel like I could push forward anymore. I felt defeated. I allowed my own emotions and doubt to swallow me whole. I shut people out of my life. I became a person I did not even recognize. I. WAS. CONSUMED.

Sometimes it is easier to follow our own plan versus listening for God to reveal His plan, right? Raise your hand if you like to be in control. Do you like to call the shots? Do you like to know what is just over the horizon? Are you holding a tight grip on something? My hand is raised. Both of them. “Me. Me. Me!!!” I had it all planned out. In my mind I knew just how the story should go. Much to my surprise though, God had an even better story for me. I just needed to let go of that tight grip I had on MY plan. I had to stop trying to call the shots. I had to stop doubting. That’s all easier said than done. I know it is. We have to do it though. As hard as it seems. As vulnerable as it makes us feel. We have to do it.

We have to let go and know God will catch us. We have to push our feelings of self-doubt, constant worry, hopelessness, and defeat aside. Those feelings are clouding our vision. They are not beneficial to us at all. We cannot see what God is trying to reveal to us when we are consumed with these feelings. He’s got this, folks. His fingerprints are everywhere! We just have to be still, release our grip, and listen.

Mother’s Day Prayer

psalms 113

We’ve all seen them. You know who they are. They are the women who remain seated when the pastor asks all of the mothers to stand on Mother’s Day. As each woman grins from ear to ear and slowly stands, you can see that one woman bow her head as her husband rubs her back or pats her leg. That woman is the woman in my prayers each night. That woman needs your prayers today too.

This Mother’s Day, pray for the women who will wake up and not have hand print crafts waiting for them. Pray for the mothers who have a desire to have moments and make memories with the children they are waiting and praying for. Remember those women.

If you are a Mom in Waiting, please know I see you. I don’t know your name, but I see you sitting in that pew holding back tears. I know this is hard for you. I know you wish you could just slip out the back as everyone is singing praises and applauding mothers. I see you though and I’m praying for you. I know this day reminds you of the pain and emptiness in your heart. I know you feel so broken and maybe even unworthy. I want you to know, you’re not broken. You are worthy.  I know you are quietly calculating how old your precious angel baby would have been today had he/she not been swept away to Heaven so quickly. I know you so badly wish someone would recognize YOU as a mother.

Listen. I’m here to tell you this – from the moment you and your spouse were given the desire to become parents, you became a mother. Let me say that one more time…


God has placed the desire in your heart to be a mother. I can’t tell you He will answer your prayers by giving you a biological child of you own, but I can tell you He doesn’t place a desire on your heart just so you can be tortured month after month by negative pregnancy tests. God has a plan for you, my friend. So on this Mother’s Day, I want you to hold on to your faith. I want you to feel the prayers of encouragement and strength I’m sending up for you.

Dear Heavenly Father:
I come to you now praying you will wrap your arms around the women whose hearts are breaking and arms are aching for a child. Lord, I know the desire to become a mother has been laid on their hearts by You. I know only You can answer their prayers. Motherhood is a godly desire. I pray for the women who have not yet experienced motherhood. I pray for the women who have given their babies back to you, Lord. I pray for the women who are waiting for a call from their adoption agency. I pray for the husbands and wives who are needing Your loving arms and comfort today, Lord. I am fully trusting and believing you have wonderful plans for their lives. Please help them to not feel pity and self-doubt today. I pray they will feel the encouragement they need today and everyday to keep pressing forward as Your plan unfolds. In Your Name. Amen.