NIAW 2016 – #StartAsking

 

It is National Infertility Awareness Week! What exactly does that mean? It means this week bloggers unite to raise awareness for a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples. This week we get the conversation started and bring awareness to something a lot of people are afraid to talk about. To learn more about this movement, you can visit www.resolve.org .

#StartAsking

Infertility isn’t easy to talk about. I know. I’ve been there. It was so hard for me to open up about our struggle. I felt like I was so alone and nobody would understand, but one day I stepped out of my comfort zone and began sharing our story. The truth is, once I opened up about what I was facing, I received so much support from others within the TTC community, close friends, and some family. I wasn’t alone! I had a wonderful support system during my journey, and I have made it a passion of mine to be a supporter for other women.

What is infertility? According to resolve.org, infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system often diagnosed after a couple has had one year of unprotected, well-timed intercourse, or if the woman has suffered from multiple miscarriages and the woman is under 35 years of age. If the woman is over 35 years old, it is diagnosed after 6 months of unprotected, well-timed intercourse.

What should you ask?

  • I’m a firm believer you should feel comfortable with your doctor. Ask questions. Ask if he/she has much experience dealing with infertility. If not, ask if you can be referred to someone else.
  • Ask. Questions. If you feel like your doctor does not have time to answer all of your questions, it is time to find a new doctor!
  • Ask you spouse / partner how they feel. Communication is so important when you are faced with an infertility journey. It is so easy to get lost in the emotional roller coaster. Make sure you talk about it with your spouse even if you do not feel like talking to anyone else. You are both in this together!
  • Ask friends, family, or church family to pray for you. If you are not comfortable sharing details, that is completely okay! Just simply asking them to pray for you.
  • If you are not personally experiencing an infertility journey, but someone close to you is, please try to educate yourself on what exactly infertility is. You can learn more at http://www.reslove.org or this Infertility Etiquette Fact Sheet.

 

Here is my  post for National Infertility Awareness Week 2014  –  NIAW : Resolve to Know

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Hold Please.

Seasons. Phases. Whatever you want to call the ups and downs of raising children (or just life in general), we can all agree things change. It may be sleep patterns, favorite activities, favorite foods, temper tantrums, so on and so forth. It might be changes within your friendships or even your marriage. You get it. We are currently in an interesting season. As a wife and mother, I am in a very challenging season. I’m lonely. 

“When everything seems to be going against you,  remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.  – Henry Ford 


In the last sixteen months, I have learned a few things. One of the most important things I’ve learned is…. I was wrong. In my mind, I envisioned being a stay-at-home mom as lots of fun play dates, trips to the park, meeting friends for lunch, and teaching my kids all of the basics they will need to know to begin preschool. This dream is not completely incorrect, but I would like to address a few of my misconceptions:

Fun Play Dates: I always imagined sitting on the floor, sipping coffee and chatting with fellow mommies about our kiddos as the kids played nicely with some blocks. I assume these would take place if I actually KNEW anyone who (a) is also a stay-at-home mommy or even a part-time working mommy and (b) isn’t afraid of hanging out with a mom of twins. I get it. My kids can be a little overwhelming. Contrary to how it may seem sometimes, I am actually dying to leave my house WITH my kids. We just need somewhere to go!

Trips to the Park: These do take place at least once or twice a week, weather permitting. Most of the time we are alone at the park, so I basically end up chatting with my tiny humans about the trees or grass. Considering we have a spacious yard, a fancy swing set, and all of the balls Ryker could ever dream to play with… We might as well stay home and play! We go to the park so I can run, and the babies can ride in the stroller. It gets us out of the house, so it isn’t a complete bust.

Meeting Friends for Lunch: This goes back to the whole “my kids can be a little overwhelming”. The last time we were invited to lunch, it was with my mom, aunt, and grandmother. It wasn’t awful, but I’m not holding my breath they will invite us to lunch again anytime soon. I have dining out with toddlers down to a science. I am completely ok with going out to eat, its just the other folks who get a little antsy. I also tend to shy away from invitations that do not include my kids. Contrary to what some may believe, my kiddos are actually pretty well behaved in restaurants as long as it is not nap time. Truth be told, if you want to hang out with me, my kids will probably be with me!

Teaching my kids all of the preschool basics: If “don’t hit your sister” or “don’t throw that” are things Ryker will be tested on to get into preschool, I doubt he will be accepted. Truth. I have tried so hard to teach them body parts, introduce them to shapes and colors, and even sharing. Have you ever tried to hold the attention of two toddlers for longer than .25 seconds? I have. I wasn’t successful, but I did try. I’ve resorted to showing them books and hoping they will soak something in between their fights, Ryker’s tantrums, and snacks.  There’s a glimmer of hope in there somewhere.

The truth is, we are just in this season where I’m plain lonely. Period. I crave adult conversation almost as much as I crave chocolate. Any type of social interaction is amazing. I’ve considered trying to join a Mommy Play Date Group, but the closest one I’ve found is 45 minutes away. If I reach that level of desperation, I’ll probably load up the kids and crash that one. We do have frequent play dates with a friend of mine and her precious little daughter. I literally count down the minutes between their visits! In the meantime, I’m just crossing my fingers and hoping eventually the twins and I will be able to crawl out of our cave and make friends. Until then, I’ll continue telling them everything I wish I could tell an adult as we build towers with blocks or blow bubbles in the yard. I know one day I’ll no longer crave being around other Mommies. I know one day I’ll wish I could have the twins at home with me so we could play, giggle, blow bubbles, and share snacks. I’m trying to soak it all in so please do not take this a desperate cry or a complaint. I’m just being real.

I’m sure family will read this and immediately offer to “keep the babies” so I can go do something or go somewhere. I want to make it extra crystal clear that’s not what I’m needing. Where would I go anyway?! To the grocery store? Eh. We have that under control. No thanks. I’m needing friends, play dates, someone to talk to, somewhere to go with my kids so we can be around other human beings. I need to see with my own two eyes that I am not the only mom who struggles. I need social interaction just as much as the twins do.

In a few short weeks, Big Brother Gavin will be out of school. I have high hopes once school is out and the weather is nicer, we will have more opportunities to get out in the world and explore. Where do Mommies go? What fun places and things are out there for a mom and two 16 month olds?  Share your secrets!

Dead Plants

“Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal.”  – Philippians 3:13-14

Each spring, I drag my husband to the lawn and garden area of our local home improvement store. Each year I promise I’ll “do better this time” taking care of my flowers. I tell Trey I will water them daily, prune them, and even rotate them on the porch for optimal sunlight. For some reason this usually convinces him to let me buy flowers one more time. After a few months, my plants usually die. Even the ones that are supposed to bloom year after year. Dead.  I realize I’ve neglected them and try to revive them by watering them…. even though I know all hope is lost. They’re already gone.

Don’t Look Back. 

I have to stop pouring energy into the past. It is no secret I lost a few friends during my infertility battle. I was crazy. I allowed my situation to completely consume me. I neglected relationships. I pushed friends and family members away. I made a lot of mistakes. I’ve replayed conversations in my mind over and over and often wondered what things would look like today if I had handled some situations differently.

Shortly before my 30th birthday last year, I made a vow to myself to try and repair the damage. In my mind, I thought this was the only way I could fully move forward and finally get past the guilt. I had to make things right. I wasn’t looking for forgiveness at all. I just wanted to reach out and admit I knew I did a lot of things wrong. It was not my place to try to justify the things I said, did, or didn’t do. I had obviously hurt several people in my life – friends and family- and I just needed to let them know I realized what I had done was hurtful to them.

The past is in the past. I cannot change what happened two or three years ago. The past is dead plants. I can pour energy into it all I want, but it won’t change anything. It. Is. Dead. I neglected relationships and now they are gone. All I can do from this point forward is focus on what is ahead and hope for the best.

 

 

Goodbye Is Never Easy

Goodbye

 

Yesterday I said goodbye to someone so special to our family.

Last week we closed a chapter in our lives. I slammed the door shut on twenty years of heavy, irregular, painful periods. I no longer have uterine lining. Obviously pregnancy is not something I can easily achieve after  my uterine lining has been “boiled”. If by some miracle I did end up pregnant, it wouldn’t be pretty. The risk of miscarriage and other problems are greatly increased after an endometrial ablation. With that being said, we made the decision to clamp my tubes. I also had quite a bit of endometriosis removed from around my colon — cause uterine lining obviously doesn’t belong there, right? It doesn’t. My body can’t quite figure that out though.  Last but definitely not least, my doctor found a nasty, thick cyst on my right ovary. Those good ole ovaries and their silly ways of misbehaving get me every time.

The recovery was everything but enjoyable.

I had my one week post op appointment yesterday. I asked Trey to go with me. I chose to take Ryker and Averlee with us too. I knew deep down this would be an emotional appointment for me. When my doctor came in, it was business as usual. I showed him my incisions. He went over what took place during my surgery. He gave me the run down of what I can expect over the next week or so as far as bleeding. Then there was the silence I had been dreading. I took a deep breath and said, “So I guess this is it? I am not having any more babies. You got me through a miscarriage, infertility, a twin pregnancy, a c-section, postpartum depression, and two surgeries. I guess this is the end of our road together, right?” The tears filled my eyes as he thanked me for the millionth time for trusting him to take care of me. He thanked ME when really all I wanted to do was thank him.

I can still remember the day I sat in his office for the very first time. I was nervous. I was scared. I had a miscarriage not long before and just didn’t know what to do. He took the time to run blood tests on me. He gave me a pep talk about how wonderful of a mother I was already. He cared. He genuinely cared.

We parted ways for a few years after that due to me being stupid and wanting a doctor closer to home. He stayed in the back of my mind though as I continued to have problems with my cycles. Three years ago I went back to him though. I remember Trey and I sitting in his office together. I was crying so hard. I told him, “My last two doctors told me I can’t have anymore children. I don’t understand! I just want your opinion. I need answers as to WHY?!” He looked me straight in the eyes, patted my back, and told me he couldn’t tell me if I would or wouldn’t have anymore children because that decision wasn’t up to him. He wasn’t God. He said he could try everything in his power to help me get pregnant though. He cared. After two doctors basically brushed us under the rug and treated us like we were just an extra zero on their next paycheck, this doctor took the time to actually show compassion and care. He listened to my concerns and took the time to help us.

After each failed cycle, he would give me another pep talk. There were a few times when I wanted to quit. I told him I wanted to quit. He wouldn’t let me though. He knew deep down that wasn’t what I wanted. He believed in me and he knew I that was what I needed. I just needed a doctor to believe in me and he wasn’t about to let me give up without a fight!

When he reached the end of his rope with me, he referred me to NFC because he KNEW they would help me. He knew they would take care of me just as he did. He trusted them. I trusted him and knew if this was what he felt our next move needed to be… I needed to do it. He took the time to call and check on me even while I was a patient at NFC.

In June of 2014, Trey and I sat in his office again. He came in the room and gave me the biggest hug and congratulated both of us on our twin pregnancy. Throughout our pregnancy, my doctor always listened to my concerns. He talked me through every appointment. He made sure to explain everything so I could easily understand it. He made sure I got through all of the questions on my list, even if I had a LONG list that appointment. Each time we had a scare, he was always cautious. He did not hesitate to admit me to the hospital at 30 weeks when I was threatening pre-term labor.

On December 3, 2014 he delivered my precious Ryker and Averlee at 34 weeks. I was terrified to be delivering that early, but I trusted Dr. W. I knew he was taking care of me and he would do everything in his power to bring our miracles into the world safely. We had been through too much together up to that point. He knew I needed him to be honest with me, so he made sure he talked me through everything.

Yesterday I said Goodbye to the one doctor who wouldn’t let me give up. He believed in me from the very beginning. He cared about me. He was attentive, compassionate, and understanding. He was exactly everything I needed after being so broken by other doctors. If more doctors were like him, I honestly believe the world would be a better place.

My pregnancy days are over. There are other women who need his time. There are other women who NEED him as their doctor so maybe they won’t give up. I am forever grateful for everything he and his staff did for us during our journey through infertility, a twin pregnancy, and all of my postpartum complications. Every time I look at Ryker and Averlee, I thank God for leading me down the path He did so I could have Dr. Williams in my life right when I needed him. I’m so grateful I had a doctor I could love and trust who loved me and my family in return. That is something I will never forget.

Thank you Murfreesboro Medical Clinic. Thank you, Brooke. Thank you, Dr. Williams. I love you.

 

Toddler Time: Let’s Be Real

The purpose of my Toddler Time Posts is to show everyone it isn’t always cute poses, sing-alongs, and happy hugs. This is just a peek inside the crazy life I live. My non-sugarcoated way of proving I do not have it all together. 

 

It never fails. Anytime I am out in public with Ryker and Averlee, it always happens. At least one person will stop me and say, “You have your hands full!”. My response is always the same. “I do but I love it!” I then smile and go back refereeing their shopping buggy quarrels.

The truth is, I do have my hands full… now! Looking back on the sleepless newborn nights, days of changing diaper after diaper, pumping, then feeding, then pumping again, I cannot help but think how simple those days seem compared to what my days are now! Seriously. Now the sleepless nights are due to teething babies who cannot sleep. Even when Averlee isn’t cutting a tooth, she still insists on waking promptly between the hours of 11pm and 1am and again between 3am and 5am. When she wakes, it is usually because she lost her paci. *Yes. She’s 15 months and still has a paci. I can feel your judging eyes now. Thanks.* Sometimes it is just because she hates her crib, her room, or maybe she just hates knowing everyone is asleep and she isn’t? I’ve asked her what the issue is on numerous occasions in the wee dark hours of the night. She has yet to respond. I’m sure in a few months she will enlighten us. Maybe.

Oh and let’s not forget how mobile and independent my tiny toddlers have become! The days of carrying them where I want them to go are over. They have their own agenda now which involves (on the daily) trying to climb stairs, unplugging night lights, hiding behind curtains, opening the kitchen garbage can, stepping in the cat water, stomping dog food on the laundry room floor, and opening cabinets. Daily. We bought all of the childproofing items Lowe’s had to offer, but they are no match for the Bell twins. They work together to remove the locks on the cabinets. They get stuck IN the gate at the bottom of the stairs. I’ve even caught Ryker carrying around a makeshift stool so he can reach the photos on the entryway table. Where does he come up with this stuff?!

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Ryker and his “stool”.

The truth is- at the end of the day by 2:00pm everyday, I’m exhausted. My heart is so happy though. My hands may be full, but my heart is overflowing. There are days when I feel like I absolutely cannot say, “No Ryker. Don’t do that Averlee!” one more time. I also have days when I cannot wait for them to wake up from nap so we can play or go to the park. This is not an easy job, but I definitely cannot think of a better job for me right now. It was a long road to get here, but I’m enjoying the scenery now.

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They were chatting about outside and pointing at the pool.

 

I’ll Hold You Tighter Today… and Always





I’ll be honest. I do not even know how to write about this. 

I sat in a very familiar waiting room yesterday waiting for my name to be called. I’ve sat in that waiting room before as I held back tears of disappointment. My husband and I sat in that waiting room numerous times when we were pregnant with R&A. Yesterday I was surrounded by few women who were sitting with what I would assume to be their mothers… maybe? Perhaps they were future grandmothers waiting to sneak a peek at their little grandchild? I noticed a few college-age young ladies scrolling through their phones too. Then there was me… 

I was there for a follow up appointment for some postpartum issues. After I told the nurse about how much better I had been feeling mentally and emotionally thanks to some new coping methods and a bit of medication, I began telling her about my periods and how terrible they had become. If you have followed my journey for very long, you know I do not have a regular period. When I do have a period, it is typically very painful, heavy, and miserable. I had high hopes some lifestyle changes (regular exercise and some dietary changes) would help alleviate the symptoms, but after several months… it just wasn’t working. When my doctor came in, I knew what we were about to discuss, but I silently prayed I was wrong. 

“You don’t want anymore kids, right?” 
With my history, I knew this would come up. I have struggled with heavy, irregular, painful periods for almost 20 years.  I KNEW eventually I would have to have this discussion. I have been tremendously blessed with three amazing children. My womb brought three miracle babies into this world. Now we are faced with the reality that I will not be carrying anymore babies in my womb. At the age of 30, I sat in a room and heard the word “hysterectomy”. I have joked with my mom for several years and said, “I wish someone would just take all of this out since it doesn’t work right anyway.” I was joking though. Now that I know I’m so close to that happening, it isn’t funny. I’m 30. I.AM.30. 

My doctor did give another option before we go to the extreme of a hysterectomy though. He suggested an endometrial ablation. He also said he will go in laparoscopically (again) to clean up any endometriosis. There is a possibility I may have some fibroids causing some issues as well, so he feels these procedures will help. He was very straight forward when he told me this might not fix it. He said it will at least buy me a few more years before a hysterectomy though. 

I did not write this in hopes someone would offer me sympathy and say, “Oh poor Kari.” Listen. I am a little overwhelmed by the fact I am facing this, but at the same time I am so thankful I was able to give my husband two beautiful babies. We both prayed and remained hopeful we would bring a child into this world. After a long, trying journey…We did. We were blessed with two at once. My reproductive organs do not function the way they should. In the bigger picture, I know taking care of this NOW will help me be a better mom and wife in the long run. It will be rough in the beginning for sure, but I am looking forward to living a life without heavy, painful periods. 

I’ll leave you with this photo of my three little miracles. . . I’m squeezing them a little tighter this week. I know I beat all odds thanks to God and His amazing plan. God is so good and I pray He will be with us as we face what’s next for me. 


To read about my last surgery here.

Worry Not


I’m a worrier. Surprise. Surprise, right? 
Last night in my Ladies’ Prayer Group, we discussed the topic of worry and how God has called us NOT to worry. After reading through Matthew 6:25-34, I felt a slight sense of guilt. I feel like since becoming a mother almost 13 years ago, I have worried more. As the years have gone by, my worries have evolved and shifted. In the beginning I was worried I would not be a good enough mother to Gavin. As he got older, I worried for his safety. Now I worry about the world all three of my children are growing up in. I worry about if I’m teaching Gavin the things he will need to know when he moves out on his own one day. 

We are called NOT to worry though. So why do I worry about my children so much? Last night, I mentioned Ryker and his lack of fear. Ryker doesn’t worry about anything. He will climb on top of an end table or try to jump off of the couch. He runs as fast as he can through all of the toys in the living room with no fear of falling. Ryker does not worry. Ryker is a child… a child who knows no matter what happens, Mommy or Daddy will kiss his boo-boo and “fix it”. This is what God wants us to understand! There is no reason for us to worry. He will be there. He has it under control. “Can any one of [us] add a single hour to [our] lives by worrying?’ (Matt 6:27). No. The key is to have faith that God is in control of a situation. 

In Matthew 6:34, we are called to “not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” What do we accomplish by worrying about tomorrow? Personally, I accomplish absolutely nothing. It is a waste of my precious time for me to worry about things I have absolutely no control over. I still find myself worrying though.  

It is no surprise I feel stretched very thin from time to time. Between keeping up with the twins, maintaining a household, being a wife, and co-parenting a preteen I wear many hats and have many important jobs. Right now, my heart is so consumed by my worry for Gavin and our relationship. He is at an age where I have to start letting go and allowing him to fail on his own. I cannot hover as much as I have in the past. If I want him to grow into a responsible adult, I have to start letting go. I have tried so hard to just cover him in prayer for the last few months. It might just be a phase, but I honestly feel like I’m losing him. I feel like my time with him is so so precious; however, he is at the age where he can decide what he wants to do (within reason). I worry he will resent me one day. I worry he and I will not have a very close relationship. I worry he will decide he wants to live with his dad permanently.

This week, I am praying for God to just take those worries away. I pray He will help me face the challenges I have ahead of me as I try to co-parent Gavin. I pray He will give me the strength and understanding to accept the things I have no control over. 
Amen. 

Toddler Time & Snow Storm 2016


As many of you already know, Tennessee (and the rest of the East) was hit with a snow storm. I originally thought it would be so much fun to be “snowed in” with all three kiddos, but that thought was short lived. It was very, very short lived. We were not officially “snowed in” until Saturday. Gavin’s dad got into town a little earlier on Friday than he had originally expected, so Trey ended up getting out and driving on the yucky, icy mess to take Gavin home. Trey LOVES driving in the snow. Me? Eh. Not so much. Trey did manage to make it home safely so I ended up snowed in with Trey, Ryker, and Averlee sans Gavin. 

On Saturday, I convinced Trey we should take R&A out to play in the snow. I had dreams of Ryker throwing snow balls, rolling in the snow, and giggling at how much fun he was having. I imagined Averlee would enjoy sledding and tossing snow in the air. In reality though…Ryker and Averlee hated the snow. They equally hated being bundled up, wearing gloves, and not being able to walk in the 4 inches of snow. As soon as we put Ryker down, he face planted into a pile of snow. Averlee fell over and couldn’t get up, so she joined in on the snow hating too. Basically we spent 15 minutes bundling everyone up. We spent 5 minutes in the snow. We made a huge mess in the laundry room with all of our boots and wet clothes. I have high hopes next year will be better. One can dream, right? 




Toddlers
If there is one thing I wasn’t prepared for, it is this : TWO BABIES LEARNING TO WALK AT THE SAME TIME. They don’t walk in the same direction. They don’t walk the same speed. They defiantly do not want to hold my hand as I lead them away from whatever they are currently trying to destroy play with.  Obviously I knew they would sprout some confidence and take off one day, but I didn’t realize I would blink and that day would be here so quickly. It is here though. 

They are also starting to talk. Of course 90% of the time I’m the only person who knows what they are trying to say. The other 10% of the time I think they are talking in their odd twin lingo. Ryker loves to say “ba” for ball. He says “tak-ku” for thank you, and “mik” for milk. Averlee talks about “cat”, “bite”, and “momma” on the regular. 

We have almost made the full transition to table foods. Almost. I have a lazy day from time to time where I will sneak them some baby food because I can barely even think straight. For the most part, they get their fruits, veggies, dairy, protein, and occasional sweet treats in. It’s a win for everyone! 


When I Wasn’t Looking

                           
Averlee took her first unassisted steps last night. She stood up, put her hands in the air, grinned ear to ear, and took her wobbly first steps. It was beautiful. It made me tear up. I was so very proud of her! 
I’ve never been one to make New Year Resolutions, but in an effort to organize my life and manage my anxiety, I decided this might be the year to make a few resolutions. One is to work on my own health and fitness (typical resolution… *blah blah*). The other is to live more in the moment and not let myself get caught up in the stress. 
I wouldn’t say I’ve taken my time at home with the twins for granted, but I will say I’ve had a hard time shutting off my “working mommy” brain. I began working when I was 17 shortly after I discovered I would become a mom. I was in college and working until Gavin was 4 years old. Then, I began working full time. Those pay checks were so nice, but I was missing out on so much. I missed school functions. I was late for ballgames. I didn’t get to help him with homework or stay home with him when he was sick. I felt so much guilt for missing out and not being present as a mother. I was doing what I had to do to pay off my student loans and save for his college though. I was doing my best. 
When Trey and I got married, I quit my great paying job so I could transition into a less demanding work schedule closer to home. No more hour commute. No more business trips out of town. No more meeting clients or co-workers to discuss business over dinner and drinks. It felt like a great move for our family and future kid(s). 
The moment Trey and I decided we wanted to have a child, we also decided it would be best for me to say home with him or her. As you know, it took us longer than we had planned to have a child. This made staying home even more important to me. I didn’t want to miss out on all of the firsts! When we found out we were expecting twins, there was no question I would need to stay home! Daycare for two infants would be my entire paycheck! So the decision was easy… I would be a stay at home mom. Easy right? 
I love staying home with my twins and having the freedom to be there for Gavin when he has a school or sports event….. BUT…. For several months I struggled with not feeling like I had a purpose. I felt like a good day was defined by me taking a shower AND washing my hair. I constantly had family telling me I needed to “get away” from my kids and go do something else for a day each week. I felt like I wasn’t making a difference. Sure. My kids were happy and healthy, but I always had someone chirping in my ear about things I “should do” or pushing me to leave my kids a few days a week. I felt like I wasn’t a good enough stay at home mom. 
It is also important for me to note… I struggled silently with postpartum depression and anxiety for 10 months. I kick myself daily for not reaching out to my doctor for help sooner, but it is what it is. Honestly, it robbed me of a lot of joy. I reached a point where I wanted to completely isolate myself because being around others stressed me out. I’m doing much better now thanks to support from my doctor, friends, my mom, and my husband. 
So for 2016, I’m wiping my slate clean. I’m doing what I need to do to grow my relationship with my husband. I’m working on living in the moment and not worrying about what others around me think I should be doing. I spent so much of the twins first year feeling like I had to prove something. I felt so much pressure from others for me to go against what I was comfortable with. I felt like I had to prove that I COULD do this since I had so many people tell me I wouldn’t be able to handle the twins by myself each day. I can. I plan to live in today and handle what is thrown at me… And enjoy each moment. This is MY job. I have 3 kiddos who depend on me, love me, and NEED me. I don’t have to prove anything. I’m good enough. I’m doing the best I can. I’m loving my life and enjoying each day. This life is pretty amazing. Hectic and amazing. 

Twin Adventures – 13 Month Installment

Ryker and Averlee are 13 months old today! Do people say that? Or is it safe for me to just say, “They are 1” and leave it at that? Eh. They are 13 months. I must say, this is a FUN age, but it has also been a challenging age!

13 Months Old and dressed for church

Ryker is training for his first baby marathon I believe. He has two speeds. Sleeping and Running. There is nothing in between. He’s either knocked out or he’s running full speed ahead. He’s still eating anything and everything we put in front of him. He has a total of 6 teeth (2 bottom and 4 top). He moved into his own room two nights ago. He loves to play with a ball, his bulldozer, his big brother, and his puppy, Harper. 

Never a dull moment with Ryker. He’s quite busy! 

Averlee is still trying to decide if she wants to walk soon or not. I’m completely ok with her crawling for a little while longer since it is easier for me to chase Ryker if I’m carrying her versus chasing them both. I have a feeling she is about to take off though. She is such a picky eater! We still have to give her jar baby food from time to time because she refuses to cooperate when it comes to eating table foods sometimes. Typical girl. She loves to play with her tea pot, tea cups, and baby doll. She has even decided she can tolerate a small bow in her hair from time to time. *Score!* Averlee has 5 teeth (2 bottom and 3 top). 

Group photo…fail. 

As for me… I’m surviving. I’ve learned to just roll with the punches. There will be a day when I will be caught up on laundry. I will shower daily. My hair will not be in a messy bun. I will be able to read a book. I will have complete conversations with fellow adults. That day will not be today though. or tomorrow. or anytime in the next 4 years. I’ve learned WHEN to wave my little white flag and call my mom. I’ve allowed myself to admit when I need a break and it is completely ok for me to say, “I need a minute or 60 to myself”. I went through a time where I felt so guilty for wanting some time by myself, but I now have no problem telling my husband he needs to handle things for a little while so I can take a breather. 

This is an adventure for sure. It is challenging. It is exhausting at times. It is rewarding. It is literally a dream come true.