Is This Enough? 

I did not plan to write today. Today I had every intention of unplugging and just being present in the moment. That lasted an entire 45 minutes this morning. As soon as I finished my spin class, I hopped on Pinterest to look for kitchen remodel inspiration. That search lead to me noticing I had some Facebook notifications… Which led to me scrolling for a scripture to share with a friend. That led to me typing a long email explaining why I couldn’t meet another friend for coffee this evening. 

I thank God daily for the way He uses me. I ask Him daily to show me opportunities to encourage others. Today though? Today I asked Him for grace. I know I’m needed. I know my kids need me. I know my husband needs me. I know my support group needs me. I know my friendships need me. I just wonder if I am enough. I make it to 9:00 each night and I just can’t seem to shut my brain off. I feel like I have so much I want to do, so much I need to say, but there’s nothing left of me. 

I feel like sometimes my husband get the scraps that are left of me at the end of the day. He often comes home from work and I’m preoccupied with laundry, supper, kids, emails, or just me crying. Yes. Crying. There are days when I feel ashamed for crying, but other days I will completely own it. Yesterday I owned it. I 100% owned the fact I am in a season of my life where I have to start saying “no”. I can’t be everywhere. I can’t do everything. There isn’t enough of me and I need to realize it is ok to verbalize that. I’m grateful he understands that. 

So if you’re looking for someone to organize a bake sale- don’t look at me. I can’t do it right now, but I’d appreciate it if you dropped off a cake and sat on the couch with me for a chat. We can eat cake! If you’re wanting me to head a committee- look further. I have a support group I am pouring my heart into. It is my passion. It is my dream come true. It deserves me and not my scraps. My kids, my husband, my support group, and myself- all deserve my best. That is what I have to give in this season of life. I hope that is enough… 

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Twinning Isn’t Easy

 

We have somehow survived almost 19 months as the parents of twins. I want to place extra emphasis on that statement. We have somehow almost survived. There are days when I’m not sure I will make it until bedtime. There are days when I wish nap time was at 9:00am and lasted until after lunchtime. I’m just being honest!

I must admit this is probably the funniest stage/ phase/ season so far. Ryker has become a little chatter box with his vocabulary. He loves to talk about tractors, hay, cows, birds, his big brother, and Daddy.  Averlee is … sassy. So so sassy. It is so fun to just watch her as she struts from one thing to another. She loves to clean. She will pick up the tiniest piece of lint or cat hair and toss it in the trash. She’s Mommy’s little helper too. She likes to be right by my side when I’m doing laundry. She will pull each piece out of the dryer and hand it to me. It is the sweetest.

They both have developed their own little unique personalities. Ryker has a little temper and is very stubborn at times. He is a Mommy’s baby. He loves for me to hold him as long as Big Bro isn’t around. If Gavin is around, Ryker is 100% Big Bro’s baby. Averlee gets her feelings hurt easily, but will stand her ground when it comes to handling her twin brother. She loves her Daddy so much. She will run to him if she needs help with something. Seriously, if he is around she will run right past me and straight to him. It’s sweet. I am a Daddy’s girl myself so it is so cute to see her love her own Daddy so much.

As for me, everyday is an adventure. Just last week Ryker emptied the laundry room trash in the floor twice in one day. He also proceeded to pour the dog’s water in the floor WITH the trash he had dumped. They are both so quick. They definitely keep me on my toes. There isn’t much sitting around sipping coffee and watching them play peacefully in the floor anymore. They are so busy. They are so energetic. They wear me out, but I’m enjoying every moment as much as I can.

This is the most challenging season we’ve encountered so far, but it is also the most fun. When I was pregnant with them, I would daydream and wonder what they would be like. Would they be best friends? Would Averlee love baby dolls? Would Ryker love dinosaurs? What would they like to do daily? It is so neat to see them develop into their own little people.

 

on June 25th we took R&A to Lucky Ladd Farms in Eagleville, TN for Construction Day. Check out their Facebook page {link above} for upcoming events this summer! 

Hope

In order to take God’s words deep into your heart, in order to allow them to alter your thoughts and ease your mind, you will need to calm yourself.”  – Pregnant With Hope : Good News For Infertile Couples

Last night I shared this quote with the ladies in Seeds of Hope. A couple of the ladies have reached out to us and shared their fears, worries, and doubts about their upcoming cycles. I get it. I remember being in that deep, dark place of doubt. I remember wanting to give up because I just didn’t feel like I could push forward anymore. I felt defeated. I allowed my own emotions and doubt to swallow me whole. I shut people out of my life. I became a person I did not even recognize. I. WAS. CONSUMED.

Sometimes it is easier to follow our own plan versus listening for God to reveal His plan, right? Raise your hand if you like to be in control. Do you like to call the shots? Do you like to know what is just over the horizon? Are you holding a tight grip on something? My hand is raised. Both of them. “Me. Me. Me!!!” I had it all planned out. In my mind I knew just how the story should go. Much to my surprise though, God had an even better story for me. I just needed to let go of that tight grip I had on MY plan. I had to stop trying to call the shots. I had to stop doubting. That’s all easier said than done. I know it is. We have to do it though. As hard as it seems. As vulnerable as it makes us feel. We have to do it.

We have to let go and know God will catch us. We have to push our feelings of self-doubt, constant worry, hopelessness, and defeat aside. Those feelings are clouding our vision. They are not beneficial to us at all. We cannot see what God is trying to reveal to us when we are consumed with these feelings. He’s got this, folks. His fingerprints are everywhere! We just have to be still, release our grip, and listen.

The Hearts Behind Seeds of Hope: Kari 

Introducing: Kari
Hi y’all! My name is Kari. I am just days away from my 31st birthday. I have been married to my husband, Trey, for four years. I have a 12-year-old son, Gavin, from a previous marriage. Trey and I welcomed our boy/ girl twins, Ryker and Averlee, into our family in December of 2014. We have a shi tzu named Harper, a cat named Tabby, and a golden lab named Foxy.
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I’m a planner. I planned to have two kids. Imagine my disappointment when I had a doctor look me in the eyes after my second miscarriage and tell me I wouldn’t be able to have more children. I was barely 24.
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I met Trey in 2010. We began dating in April of 2011. Before our May 2012 wedding, the topic of children came up in pre-marital counseling. He wanted two kids. I told him about my previous history, but deep down I had a feeling maybe that doctor was wrong. A few months after our wedding, we decided we would begin trying. I stopped taking birth control pills. When I stopped taking the pills, I also stopped having periods.
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After two months of no period, I began to worry. After changing Ob/Gyn’s twice, I finally had a doctor who would listen to my concerns. I began my first round of Clomid in April of 2013. Three rounds of Clomid, two rounds of Femara, and one IUI later, I found myself facing surgery to repair an overstimulated ovary, removal an 8cm cyst from my left ovary, and removal of endometriosis. In December of 2013 I was referred to Nashville Fertility Clinic where my husband I and did two rounds of injectables and IUIs. In December of 2014, I gave birth to Ryker and Averlee at 34 weeks.
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I’ve prayed for God to show me what I can do to help other women. I know when I was in the middle of my own infertility journey, I felt like nobody else understood my heartache. I want each of you to understand – You are NOT alone. I have been praying for you for the last two years. I have been praying for God to show me a way I can use my story to help other women. He has laid Seeds of Hope on my heart. I hope that through this group, Kayla and I will be able to offer encouragement, support, and shed some light during what is such a dark and trying time for so many women.

The Hearts Behind Seeds of Hope: Kayla

My name is Kayla, I’m 29 years old and been married to my high school sweetheart Dennis for almost five years. We have one beautiful little girl Preslee Ann who is our most precious gift from God. We also have a sweet fur baby Peyton who is still adjusting to his role as big brother to his 9 month old sister.
Dennis and I had a plan….a plan for our life that went perfect for a long time. We always got what we wanted, when we wanted and we worked hard for it too! That “plan” was quickly derailed when we started trying to conceive… God had other plans. Plans that would take us on an almost 3 year journey closer to Him and each other. After rounds and rounds of Clomid, negative tests and lots of tears in between we were blessed with the most amazing baby girl and the gift of His love, mercy and grace.

I’ve always prayed our journey could help inspire other women and after many prayers God has led me to each of you. Know you are not alone and your pain will become light and hope for others…..in His time!

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” -Romans 5:3-5

Seeds of Hope

 

The day has come. Today my vision, our vision, God’s plan  comes to life. Today I am so excited to introduce…


History of the Vision 

I have prayed for God to use my story to encourage others. He has. I’ve had a handful of women tell me they felt encouraged by my blog. I’ve felt like I needed to do more though. When I was in the middle of my own battle three years ago, I searched for local support groups. There weren’t any. If there were, I couldn’t find them. I was blessed to have a friend from high school to talk to who understood the lingo, had been through the ups and downs, and she was able to shine some light in the middle of what felt like a dark, never-ending tunnel. I had very supportive friends and family. Do not get me wrong, I appreciated every prayer, card, flower arrangement, bowl of soup, and gallon of ice cream. I truly appreciated it. I felt like I needed more though. I still felt alone.

Once life calmed down a little after R&A were born, I began praying for God to show me what was next. I prayed for Him to use my story, my struggles, and my miracle babies. The idea of starting a support group crossed my mind a few times, but I always pushed the idea to the back burner. I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t think I would have time to fully dedicate myself to a support group. God had a different plan though. God has a way of nudging us sometimes, doesn’t He? God placed not one, not two, but THREE women in my path. Through those women and their stories, I realized God was after my heart. He was opening doors and showing me what was next for me and my story. He made a way.

Several months ago, I pitched the idea to my friend, Kayla. {you can read her story here!} She was one of the women God had placed in my path previously. She had recently given birth to her own miracle. She had also told me about a few women who had reached out to her for support. She told me she liked the idea of a support group. She gave me a few ideas and said she would help me in any way she could, but she wasn’t sure how involved she could be. A few weeks ago, I asked Kayla to pray about it and let me know how involved she would like to be. I told her I felt like it was time for me to launch Seeds of Hope.

This week, Kayla reached out to me. She said she was ready to do this. Seeds of Hope is the result of two women who had a dream of doing something more. We have both prayed about this group for several months. We have asked God to give us the words He needs these women to hear. We pray we will be able to share His word in a way these women will have a renewed faith and feel hopeful for His plan for them and their future families. Most of all, we want them to realize they are not alone. Infertility is not something people openly talk about. We want these women to know they can talk to us. We will pray for them. We will cry with them. We will hold their hands. We will be the listening ear they need. We want to give them the seeds of hope they need on the days when they feel hopeless.

Who are these women?

We are praying for God to show us women who are:

  • struggling to conceive
  • have experienced miscarriage or stillbirth

 

Where will they meet?

Well. That’s totally up to the women of the group. Kayla and I want this to be less formal. We are not wanting to say we have to meet every second Thursday of the month. We would rather facilitate the group in way that encourages women to say, “Hey. Let’s get together this weekend and have a prayer.” We want this to be more of a community of women supporting and encouraging each other. So we will meet wherever is convenient for the women of the group. Come if you can, if not – we have a private group on Facebook- maybe you can join us next time we meet up? We plan to use the Facebook group to share prayers, updates, words of encouragement, and announce meetings/ gatherings.

How can you help?

Could you pray for us? Please. Pray for the women who will be coming to the meetings, the women who will join our online community, and the women who will personally reach out to us. Pray we will share God’s word with these women in a way that is pleasing to God.