“Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal.” – Philippians 3:13-14
Each spring, I drag my husband to the lawn and garden area of our local home improvement store. Each year I promise I’ll “do better this time” taking care of my flowers. I tell Trey I will water them daily, prune them, and even rotate them on the porch for optimal sunlight. For some reason this usually convinces him to let me buy flowers one more time. After a few months, my plants usually die. Even the ones that are supposed to bloom year after year. Dead. I realize I’ve neglected them and try to revive them by watering them…. even though I know all hope is lost. They’re already gone.
Don’t Look Back.
I have to stop pouring energy into the past. It is no secret I lost a few friends during my infertility battle. I was crazy. I allowed my situation to completely consume me. I neglected relationships. I pushed friends and family members away. I made a lot of mistakes. I’ve replayed conversations in my mind over and over and often wondered what things would look like today if I had handled some situations differently.
Shortly before my 30th birthday last year, I made a vow to myself to try and repair the damage. In my mind, I thought this was the only way I could fully move forward and finally get past the guilt. I had to make things right. I wasn’t looking for forgiveness at all. I just wanted to reach out and admit I knew I did a lot of things wrong. It was not my place to try to justify the things I said, did, or didn’t do. I had obviously hurt several people in my life – friends and family- and I just needed to let them know I realized what I had done was hurtful to them.
The past is in the past. I cannot change what happened two or three years ago. The past is dead plants. I can pour energy into it all I want, but it won’t change anything. It. Is. Dead. I neglected relationships and now they are gone. All I can do from this point forward is focus on what is ahead and hope for the best.