Goodbye Is Never Easy

Goodbye

 

Yesterday I said goodbye to someone so special to our family.

Last week we closed a chapter in our lives. I slammed the door shut on twenty years of heavy, irregular, painful periods. I no longer have uterine lining. Obviously pregnancy is not something I can easily achieve after  my uterine lining has been “boiled”. If by some miracle I did end up pregnant, it wouldn’t be pretty. The risk of miscarriage and other problems are greatly increased after an endometrial ablation. With that being said, we made the decision to clamp my tubes. I also had quite a bit of endometriosis removed from around my colon — cause uterine lining obviously doesn’t belong there, right? It doesn’t. My body can’t quite figure that out though.  Last but definitely not least, my doctor found a nasty, thick cyst on my right ovary. Those good ole ovaries and their silly ways of misbehaving get me every time.

The recovery was everything but enjoyable.

I had my one week post op appointment yesterday. I asked Trey to go with me. I chose to take Ryker and Averlee with us too. I knew deep down this would be an emotional appointment for me. When my doctor came in, it was business as usual. I showed him my incisions. He went over what took place during my surgery. He gave me the run down of what I can expect over the next week or so as far as bleeding. Then there was the silence I had been dreading. I took a deep breath and said, “So I guess this is it? I am not having any more babies. You got me through a miscarriage, infertility, a twin pregnancy, a c-section, postpartum depression, and two surgeries. I guess this is the end of our road together, right?” The tears filled my eyes as he thanked me for the millionth time for trusting him to take care of me. He thanked ME when really all I wanted to do was thank him.

I can still remember the day I sat in his office for the very first time. I was nervous. I was scared. I had a miscarriage not long before and just didn’t know what to do. He took the time to run blood tests on me. He gave me a pep talk about how wonderful of a mother I was already. He cared. He genuinely cared.

We parted ways for a few years after that due to me being stupid and wanting a doctor closer to home. He stayed in the back of my mind though as I continued to have problems with my cycles. Three years ago I went back to him though. I remember Trey and I sitting in his office together. I was crying so hard. I told him, “My last two doctors told me I can’t have anymore children. I don’t understand! I just want your opinion. I need answers as to WHY?!” He looked me straight in the eyes, patted my back, and told me he couldn’t tell me if I would or wouldn’t have anymore children because that decision wasn’t up to him. He wasn’t God. He said he could try everything in his power to help me get pregnant though. He cared. After two doctors basically brushed us under the rug and treated us like we were just an extra zero on their next paycheck, this doctor took the time to actually show compassion and care. He listened to my concerns and took the time to help us.

After each failed cycle, he would give me another pep talk. There were a few times when I wanted to quit. I told him I wanted to quit. He wouldn’t let me though. He knew deep down that wasn’t what I wanted. He believed in me and he knew I that was what I needed. I just needed a doctor to believe in me and he wasn’t about to let me give up without a fight!

When he reached the end of his rope with me, he referred me to NFC because he KNEW they would help me. He knew they would take care of me just as he did. He trusted them. I trusted him and knew if this was what he felt our next move needed to be… I needed to do it. He took the time to call and check on me even while I was a patient at NFC.

In June of 2014, Trey and I sat in his office again. He came in the room and gave me the biggest hug and congratulated both of us on our twin pregnancy. Throughout our pregnancy, my doctor always listened to my concerns. He talked me through every appointment. He made sure to explain everything so I could easily understand it. He made sure I got through all of the questions on my list, even if I had a LONG list that appointment. Each time we had a scare, he was always cautious. He did not hesitate to admit me to the hospital at 30 weeks when I was threatening pre-term labor.

On December 3, 2014 he delivered my precious Ryker and Averlee at 34 weeks. I was terrified to be delivering that early, but I trusted Dr. W. I knew he was taking care of me and he would do everything in his power to bring our miracles into the world safely. We had been through too much together up to that point. He knew I needed him to be honest with me, so he made sure he talked me through everything.

Yesterday I said Goodbye to the one doctor who wouldn’t let me give up. He believed in me from the very beginning. He cared about me. He was attentive, compassionate, and understanding. He was exactly everything I needed after being so broken by other doctors. If more doctors were like him, I honestly believe the world would be a better place.

My pregnancy days are over. There are other women who need his time. There are other women who NEED him as their doctor so maybe they won’t give up. I am forever grateful for everything he and his staff did for us during our journey through infertility, a twin pregnancy, and all of my postpartum complications. Every time I look at Ryker and Averlee, I thank God for leading me down the path He did so I could have Dr. Williams in my life right when I needed him. I’m so grateful I had a doctor I could love and trust who loved me and my family in return. That is something I will never forget.

Thank you Murfreesboro Medical Clinic. Thank you, Brooke. Thank you, Dr. Williams. I love you.

 

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